When you get near fifty year-old you start getting all sorts of ailments. And you cannot help wondering which one of those will get you in the end. When you have a headache, you wonder “would it be a cerebro-vascular accident? A tumor?” You read some stupid comments on a forum or some hate mail and your heart gets pumpin' or your chest hurt: will it be an heart attack? Or an aortal aneurism? You can't remember a movie title or someone's name: would it be Alzheimer? You have an heartburn: would it be an ulcer? Stomac cancer? You have digestive problems or too much gaz: would it be colon cancer? You get up three times to pee during the night: would it be prostate cancer? You have chronic back pain: would it be an herniated disc? Kidney problems? And so on for each possible organ or body parts...
And you worry so much about those things it makes you sick. You go to a clinic for tests and check-ups, to find some reassurance. There's nothing you can do about it but try to forget about those problems, try to live your life and be happy. As Marcus Aurelius said, there's no use worrying about stuff we don't have control over. It doesn't really work that way, but sometimes you still have good days. You know there will be less and less of those, so you do your best to live in the moment and seize the day...
The quiet job that you thought would lead to a quiet life and more time to think and write, is causing you stomac upset instead? You need to take it with a grain of salt and be as much zen as possible about it. Nothing matters but the enjoyment of life...
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